So, I guess this is the post where I describe myself and my life. HAHAHAH.....More like express to the world what a crazy life I have. Sorry, this will be long. But I think it's about time that I document some of my crazy experiences. Continue to read at your own risk. 99.9% of the stories I tell people about my life get the response "There is no way that really happens to people" or "You only see that in soap operas, movies etc...". Well this isn't a soap opera and it's definitely not a movie (hmm if it were I would probably have a lot more money). This is my life and if your reading this you can take it or leave it. Now I know the Internet opens you up to judgements and criticism but just know, from the get go, that I could careless what you think about me. I am who I am and no one's criticism is going to change that. Well, here it goes....
I am a proud mother of 3 and I am engaged to the love of my life, my best friend! My love life has been a train wreck and I feel absolutely bless to be where I am today. I met my fiance, Tim, 9 years ago. I was on a family trip to Sarasota FL to watch my youngest brother play football. One of the activities was a trip to Tampa to spend the day at Busch Gardens. I was, pretty much, wandering the park alone. My parents had gone off to sight see, my brothers were hanging out with their friends and going on rides and I trailed behind, by myself, not really knowing what to do. I finally asked my brothers to go see the monkey exhibit with me. Of course, they had no interest in going ANYWHERE with me. Out of no where I hear someone say "I'll go see the monkeys with you". I turned around and Tim was standing there. He was on the football team with my brother and, kind of, doing his own thing as well. And, he was so damn cute! We walked to the exhibit, had lunch and spent the day getting to know each other. We found out that we lived around the corner from each other so, we exchanged phone numbers and planned to hang out at the hotel that night.
When we got back to the hotel I put on my bathing suit and walked down to the pool to meet up with Tim. The pool was super crowded so we decided to take a walk on the beach. We ended up sitting on a life guard stand and admiring the waves and how clear the sky was. It was absolutely breath taking. Then, Tim turned to me and asked me to kiss him. WHAT!!! He was younger then me and friends with my brother! I mean having someone to hang out with was cool but kiss him? Was he serious? I said no but, he continued to ask. After hearing no three more times, he finally leaned over and kissed me anyway. I was taken off guard and, to my surprise, I liked it. I felt something I had never felt before. I fell in love!
Now this all sounds like a sweet, romantic story, but, this is me so it couldn't possibly go smoothly. We returned home and we did hang out but, I just couldn't bring myself to date a younger guy. I mean really, I was going into college and what would people think if I dated a high school guy? So, Tim and I remained friends (although, we both knew in our hearts the feelings were much deeper then that). I got back together with my ex-boyfriend, Dave, and life went on.
Several years later, Dave and I split up again. The first place I turned was to Tim for comfort, support, advise.... He was my best friend, the one man I could count on no matter what. We ended up attempting a relationship for a few months but it was very difficult with school and separate social lives interfering. So, in Dec. 2003 I, once again, got back together with Dave. About a month later I found out I was pregnant!
After a difficult pregnancy with preterm labor and best rest, Faith Nicole was born on Sept. 6, 2004 at 10:04 am. She was 7lbs 14oz and 21 1/2 in long. Dave was going to college in a different state so, for the next year and a half I was raising Faith on my own. In June 06 he finally moved home for good. But, that was just the start of our problems. He was self centered, degrading and verbally abusive. He didn't want to give up the college lifestyle and expected me to be the responsible one 24/7. So, I left him. He wouldn't move out of my house so, I was sleeping in my car. Tim, once again, came to my rescue. He offered to let me stay at his apartment until I got back on my feet. This infuriated Dave and he threatened to take Faith away from me. I was 21 years old. I had no idea how the legal system worked. All I knew is that I could not afford an attorney. So, out of fear of losing my baby, I went back.
On Feb 18, 2007 Dave and I were married. It was a beautiful wedding but, it defiantly wasn't the fairly tale, happiest day of my life, moment I had always dreamed of. I told myself that this is reality not a fairly tale. But, it just never seemed right. We never went on a real honey moon because Dave started the police academy the same week we got married. In May, we made settlement on a house and found out we were having another baby. And it all went downhill from there!
Dave graduated the academy in Sept 07. After that we barely saw each other. He worked steady midnight- 8am shifts and I worked 8am-5pm. In his free time he would hang out with his police buddies, which meant I wasn't allowed to go, or play football. Throughout my pregnancy, Dave would go out drinking and stumble in at all hours of the night. At about 7 months pregnant he went out at 6pm and didn't come home until 7am the next morning. NICE!!! 7 months pregnant with a history of preterm labor and he goes out drinking all night and leaves me home alone with a 3 year old!
At 8 months pregnant, things only got worse! Dave had gone to the gym and left his cell phone at home. The damn thing would not stop going off. So, I picked it up to turn the volume off. Well, that lead to me getting the biggest shock of my life! Naked pictures, countless text messages...I almost fell over. I called the number and the girl was shocked to find out Dave was married and that I was 8 months pregnant. She said she knew he was in a relationship but he told her he was leaving me after the holidays! OMG! Of course, when I confronted him, he told me shes a liar and that she was stalking him but that he wasn't reciprocating. Conveniently, he programmed his phone to delete all sent messages so, I could only see her side. You would think I would leave at this point but NO! Once again I was afraid for my children. Afraid to break up their home. Afraid they would blame me for leaving Daddy. So, I stayed.
Rockland Michael was born on Jan 19, 2008 at 12:09 pm. He was 7lb 7oz and 20 1/2 in long. After that, I was pretty much a single mother. While I worked 8am-5pm, my grandparents and parents would watch the kids. After work I would make dinner, clean, get the kids ready for bed and then wake up Dave so he could get ready for work. He would go to work around 10:30 and I would go to bed. We rarely saw each other and that was perfectly fine with me. I was miserable. I felt like a prisoner in my own house. He would degrade me, verbally abuse me, and on a few occasions, when he was drinking, put his hands on me. I felt like I was losing my mind and I had no idea where to go for help. Everything happened behind closed doors and when I would try to talk to my family they would say "oh it can't be that bad" and "marriages take work. It's never easy". But all I could think is there is no way that everyone else lives like this. I called the domestic abuse hot line a few times. They were supportive. They listened and gave me information but, after I would hang up I did nothing. I was afraid to leave. Afraid to be on my own. Afraid no one else would ever want me because according to Dave, I am fat and ugly and useless.
But, in May 09 I finally had enough! Dave came home from god knows where and I was laying on the sofa. My parents were watching to kids because my father had taken off work. So, after work I had two beers (MGD 64s aka WATER). The two empty bottles were on the table as well as a FULL bottle of percocet from surgery on Dave's leg the week before. Of course, Dave and I started arguing. At this point it was an almost daily occurrence, when we did see each other. I told Dave that I was done arguing and I was going out. He took my keys and my cell phone. So, I told him fine I'll just walk to my moms, its not that far. He stood at the top of the stairs blocking me from leaving. He dialed 911 from my cell phone and told the operator I was overdosing. The man is insane! When the cops arrived he would not go to the door. I answered and the cop said "Well you don't look like you are overdosing to me". I told him I most defiantly was not over dosing and that I simply had two beers THREE hours ago after work. I explained that my husband and I were fighting and he was trying to stop me from leaving. After the cops left I asked Dave why he would do this. His response sickened me. He said "I just thought it would be funny to see them pump your stomach".
After that I started staying with my mom when he was home. I left the kids with my grandparents and would only go home when he was not there. He asked me to stay and we talked about counseling but enough was enough. He had always degraded me and always been self centered. He had cheated on me countless times and I finally had enough. I told him I thought counseling was pointless if all he ever did was put on a good show with no real desire to change. On June 23, 2009 he moved out. It was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders! I thought maybe now I could put his torments behind me! Of course, I would be WRONG!
On July 13 Dave filed for Divorce. On July 14 Dave came to pick up the kids from my grandparents house since I was working. I immediately received a call that he had a girl with him. I soon came to find out that this was the same girl he had been cheating on me with for quiet some time! AND she was married as well! In Aug I took the kids on our annual vacation to Busch Gardens VA with my family. The majority of the trip was spent on the phone with my attorney and arguing with Dave. He had broken into my house, broken into my mail box and harassed the secretary at Faith's school.
I returned home more stressed then when I left. On Aug 29 I received a call from the police while I was out shopping. They asked me to return home immediately. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. All of my doors were wide open and the cops were searching my house with guns drawn. Apparently, the neighbors had called the cops because my ex husband was breaking into my house. As I walked through the house I was on the verge of tears. Everything was trashed! He had taken all of the TVs, the DVD player, my laptop, my jewelry (including a diamond ring I inherited my my aunt when she passed away), my safe, the children's birth certificates and social security cards, my birth certificate and passport, the grill, all of the food in my freezer and probably alot more that I don't even know about! My daughter asked why her Daddy was a thief. I wondered the same thing. How could you do this to your children? But, since the neighbors only saw his car in the driveway and no one actually saw him removing my belongings, I could not press charges. I immediately filed a Protection from Abuse (PFA) and Dave was put on desk duty and his gun was removed. I was terrified every night after that, wondering if he would come back. What would have happen if I was home. He broke in on a Saturday in the middle of the afternoon. He expected me to be home!
At the end of Sept Tim once again swooped in to become my knight in shining armor. He had just ended a 2 year relationship. We reconnected and leaned on each other for support. We quickly realized that the feelings we had were much deeper then the mere friendship we had established over the past 8 years. We were, finally, both single and had the opportunity to make another attempt at a relationship.
The PFA was in place until Nov. My attorney had convinced me to drop of the PFA for the sake of the children as the PFA only covered me and I still needed to send the children for visits. All pick ups had to be done at my grandparents house as Dave was not allowed to come near me. It broke my heart to send them after everything he had done to me. The PFA was offically dropped on Nov 2.
On Thanksgiving 09 Dave had picked up the kids at 9am. He was suppose to return them at 3pm. He showed up 2 hours late. I went out to get the kids and sent them in the house. I asked Dave why he always found the need to do whatever he wanted instead of following the agreements. Well, his girlfriend jumped out of the car cursing and screaming at me. I told her it was non of her business. Next thing I know Dave is yelling and screaming. He shoved me backwards, hitting me in the lip, and then grabbed me by the arm. I pulled my arm away and told him I was pressing charges and filing another PFA. My father had come out at this point and stood in between Dave and I so that he could not grab me again. Dave told his girlfriend to call the cops. When the cops arrived Dave flashed his badge and told them I assaulted a cop. I am standing there with a fat lip and bruises on my arms and chest. He had not one mark on him. Not to mention he is 6'5 and I am 5'3. I repeatedly told the cops that he had assaulted me. But, next thing I know the cops are slapping handcuff on me. I spent Thanksgiving in jail. When I was released I filed for an emergency PFA.
Christmas came ans went with no problems. And then January rolled around. Ahhhh January...as if I didn't have enough issues in my dysfunctional life. I found out I was pregnant! I know horrible timing right! But, not only that, I was almost 20 weeks! I had been on seasonique birth control and apparently, an anti- biotic I had taking in Sept and Oct for an on going throat infection had caused my birth control to fail! All I could think was YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! Tim, on the other hand, was beyond excited.
The next 6 months were pretty uneventful. I mean don't get my wrong, Dave was still an insane asshole but, there were no major blow outs. I dropped the PFA in March in exchange for Dave dropping the false charges against me. Big surprise, I kept my end of the deal....he didn't! I was getting pretty fed up with his lies and the emotional abuse and neglect he put the kids through. Faith would tell me that Daddy said she's fat or that Brittany told her that Mommy is ugly and that she looks just like Mommy. I mean how can you do that to a child. Every time they would come back there was another story about what Daddy or Brittany did or said to them. They also told me that they didn't sleep at Daddy's house. Apparently, Dave would leave them with his girlfriend's mother so he could go out. Faith said they would have to sleep on the floor and that Brittany and her mom are mean. Uuugghh....how do you protect your children from this when your hands are tied by a court order. So, I did the only thing I could do and hired a private investigator to document my accusations for court.
The investigators report was even more shocking then I had expected. They were allowing my 5 yr old to ride around in the front seat of the car. Leaving the kids with a neighbor they had only know for 1 month. Leaving the kids sit in the car while Brittany when in the bar "to have a few drinks". Are you kidding me....this is what he calls responsible parenting! My poor baby would cry every time she had to go with him!
On June 8 we went to court for the assault charge. The case was thrown out because Dave's statements and testimony did not match up with the police report and evidence. All charges were dropped. On June 21, 2010 Gavin Lee was born at 1:28 pm. He was 8lbs 10oz and 20 1/2 in long. Faith and Rocky were so amazed with the baby and I was adjusting to having a partner who actually helps out with the kids! Gavin has been such a good baby. He eats good, he sleeps good, and he doesn't cry much at all.
I am finally happy! Saying it wasn't easy is an understatement. Until this point, my life has been an uphill battle that I always lose. But, now I have someone in my life that truly cares. This is what a relationship should be...love, support, encouragement and enjoying each other. I am not going to sit here and tell you my life is perfect. I still battle with Dave on a daily basis. He still attempts to make my life a living hell. Me an Tim disagree on occasion ( but never like the fights I was accustom to...Thank God!). I have days were my kids drive me nuts. But, I can honestly say that I go to bed every night with a smile, laying next to the man of my dreams. And I wake up every morning thankful for what I have. 9 years ago I fell in love with my best friend. We had our ups and our downs. We had times we didn't speak and failed attempts at relationships. And after all this time I see that he is the one person I could always rely on to pick me up when I was down!
On Aug 2 we went on our annual family vacation to Busch Gardens VA. Tim had never been there and the kids spent the first two days dragging him around the park showing him everything. On Aug 4 Tim asked me to watch the firework show with him while my parents took the kids on the rides. We stood on the bridge between Germany and Italy and watched the show. Half way through the show Tim put his arms around me, opened the box, and said "Can I ask you a question?" "Will you marry me?". Unfortunately, I can't give you some big romantic story about me saying yes, throwing my arms around him, and passionately kissing. That just wouldn't be me. I told him he was an asshole and said he was a little shit for hiding money from me. I also yelled at him for holding the ring over the side of the bridge because if he dropped it in the river he would be dead. I did of course say yes! I also apologized to him later that night for calling him an asshole and said "I really hope you didn't expect me to cry!" Hey what can I say, I tend to curse when I'm caught off guard.
So, almost 9 years after we met in Busch Gardens FL, Tim proposed in Busch Gardens VA. It may not have been the most romantic response on my part but, it was us, and it was perfect! Oh, and did I mention the ring is gorgeous!
So, That's my story...my life. It's defiantly not normal. A little crazy. Some of it hard to believe, even for me! But, I don't think I would change any of it. Everything I have been through has made me who I am today and brought me to this exact point in my life. I love my family and nothing can tear us apart!
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